sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
