After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
