She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
cat food counts as protein by the way
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
