Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
