there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
this boner is exhausting
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
