it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
