i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
