Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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