Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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