Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
