White coat. Heels.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
