I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
