Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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