I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
