I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Randomize
