Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
