yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
