Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
