Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
