i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
