i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
