But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
