I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
