how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I have tasted many bathrooms
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
