Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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