Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
