chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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