here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
