your parents love me but you hate me
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
