There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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