here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
