I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
