btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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