i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
