i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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