Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
