didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
