i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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