Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize