she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
