i would punch a child for taco bell
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
