please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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