I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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