Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
