I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
