I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
