remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Randomize