Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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