I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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