I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
