Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
