He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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