no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
