y did u give ur computer a hand job?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
be right there i have to get my cape
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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