would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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