Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
nutella sex= disaster
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
