Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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