I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
