its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Randomize
