Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
