shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
